This week has really been a struggle for me. I feel like all the work and all the moving and all the being responsible is really getting to me. I need something and I don’t even know what it is.
Monday, Emma started public school again after being homeschooled by me for the last three years. She’s doing great and it made me feel really normal taking her to school. But it’s different. Everything is different.
My house is different, from my dishes to my silverware, to my clothes, and neighbors, church, and especially the fact I’m not even living with my husband.
It seems I was doing so well with all the changes, but I’m actually starting to lose myself in it. I feel alone, and I feel lost. It may also be because so many of my family relationships have changed over the last two to four years. Family as I’ve known it has been completely turned upside down. It seemed ok because my little core family remained the same until I moved here and left my husband and middle daughter behind, thus causing even more displacement. It’s just a really weird time.
This morning I dropped Emma off and ran to the grocery store on the way home. As I was unloading the stuff I bought, I started feeling better. I decided to give myself a break as I began to realize what I have been missing. I remembered that I love living by a schedule. If you remember, I schedule all my activities by a calendar. Lately, I’ve just been living from day to day, hoping to get stuff done. I know I can’t do that. I need goals and a plan. I need to know I’m going to go grocery shopping on a certain day and buy certain things and organize them certain way. I’ve been living by the seat of my pants and in total disruption for almost two years. I just can’t do it anymore. It’s not who I am.
I need to make time to blog, to create and to engage my family. I need to make time to make friends. I’ve turned down at least four invites in the last month, and I’m not glad I did. I need to live during all the life building I’m doing. But on the other hand I’m really struggling with living in total disarray. Have you been here? How did you solve it?
My only plan at this point is to push on through to this weekend, and I’ll take Saturday off to spend with Emma. I am just going to bring in boxes and start finding my real life in them. I’ll see if I can’t get on a schedule that makes me feel like myself and go from there.
I feel a little like I’m failing. However, I’ve gotten great support from my family and their reminders make me feel successful. It’s just hard making dreams come true, and nothing worth having or doing is easy.
The Multi-ti-Purpose Room 
I think you are right about getting back on a schedule and also taking time to relax and enjoy the little things during this time. Good luck 🙂
❤
You’re right baby, nothing really worthwhile is easy. I think you’re doing an incredible job. When you consider how abnormal all this is and how displaced we are, the fact that we’re still in the game and following the plan is commendable I think. You have the Lion’s share of this and I’m forever grateful to you for taking that on. I love you. ❤
I love you terribly. ❤
Oh Kel…I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. 😦 You my friend are a true inspiration, you have a plan , you have been steadfast in implementing that plan when most people would have quit already. 2 steps forward…3 steps back..10 steps forward..1 step back. You will get there & this to shall pass. Keep strong in your faith and know that your family loves you, your friends love you, God loves you. Here for you always….
Thank you, my friend. I’m missing you and our time together so much. Just last night I told Emma how much I miss you, and I’m crabby that we can’t just go have coffee.
Hi Kelleylynn . I wa s touched by your “beautiful ” photography. You liked a little photo I posted, so Visited your wordpress blog last night!!..” You and your family are on an Incredible Adventure!!..but today is, “Just one of those Days !” for you. Ah, I can relate and hope to add my encouragement. I have reached 64 years young, and when that” weirdness and fatigue” set in, Doubt is a close companion. Feels kind of disorientating..and I like your term ” weird!”..Please be gentle with yourself.
This will Pass, and faith, nature, love, prayer..Emma, loved ones..understand..❤️ With prayers, Joanne Wighton ( Canada!)
Ps. Just adding, that I re-stared my Life, a new Path, dreams, let/downs ( and lots of remnants and belongings in boxes) at about 50 years old too. I have built a “little empire!”, all from a “little wooden House!” With a huge back yard.!!..cat, piano, and a few good friends..
Joanne, Thank you so much for your comments and encouragement! Thank you for following the blog and for stopping by. Maybe I need a cat!! LOL Have a wonderful rest of the week!
When I saw your kitchen all in a mess, I didn’t want to say anything because I just didn’t know what to say. Your floors are amazingly beautiful but, how do you cook and where do you eat. I really just wanted to hug you and bring pizza and Pepsi.
You got this and you will make this time of crazy all better soon. Keep that big smile on every day and keep the giggle alive.
I know we are blogging friends but, I want you to know I’m here for you. We can laugh together anytime.
Myra, Thanks so much! In answer to your question, We’ve been eating out for two years!! not really but mostly. I have only a microwave and now our BBQ. It really is the root of all my frustration. I’ve decided to day to just start getting the kitchen together. I know I’ll feel happier when its together. You know. Thank you, a million times for your sweet words, It means a lot to me.
I live in my kitchen, it holds all my secrets and then some..you know what I mean. My house is so small that I decided my kitchen would be my place and so that is what I made it. Now if I had a kitchen like your’s now that would be a dream come true. Someday I will have a big kitchen of all red or maybe orange. I must say the best part of this little house is the stove, it cooks amazing and bakes cakes like heaven. Can’t say so much about the bathroom with a leaky toilet..yuck. Just remember its your house and it’s all your’s!
Thank you! PS I have always wanted a red kitchen, and back in the old days I wanted it to have a red phone! 🙂
Honey, you will get there I promise. It’s ok for you to feel this way from time to time. Like you said there have been so many changes in your life lately but I am so proud of how you have handled things. Just know I am always here for you.
Momma
Thanks Momma! I’m missing us too. Can’t wait to have you visit! ❤