So here we are. Waiting, waiting… We have sold our house, and over the last three weeks we have been waiting. Waiting for offers. Waiting for signatures. Waiting for inspectors and their results. Waiting for repairmen and repairs, waiting for the bill. Waiting for results and for more signatures. Waiting to see properties and sign a lease. We are waiting to pack, and waiting to take down decor.
If you ask me what my biggest weakness is, I’ll tell you, waiting.
I’m so terrible at waiting. I’m a girl of action. Tell me what you need, I’ll make it, do it, get it. Tell me what needs fixing, I’ll fix it, if I can’t I’ll find someone who can. If I can’t find someone, I’ll find someone who can find someone. This is the reason I was really good at being a dispatcher. I love to solve, to find, and to take care of things. If I couldn’t find someone or something, I was sure it didn’t exist.
Waiting and depending on someone else to take care of something important to me is the most excruciating experience for me. So, in God’s truest form he is teaching me to wait. I’m disappointed in myself because I’m not rising to the occasion. I’m squirming.
For the last three weeks I’ve been doing everything I can all around the things I can’t do. Until finally, this week I had to sit and just let go of it all. I prayed, and took a few long breaths, and asked God to take it all. I only want to be where he wants me. I can’t control anything but how I respond and treat people.
Am I better? Not really, but my heart is right and my desires are in line with my relationship with God and what I know to be true about him. Sometimes that’s all we can do when it’s tough. Just trust and just believe he’s got it.