We received an email from our realtor in Nevada stating that our sellers got another offer on the property we are in escrow with. Our sellers countered that offer, and we will find out tomorrow if it is accepted. There you have it, all our plans will completely change and we will lose the ranch if the offer is accepted.

We’ve already reduced the price of our home. We are what you’d call motivated sellers. I will admit I’ve been very sad and depressed and feeling like all is lost. I have gone up and down that negative list and wondered why nothing we ever want works out and why good things never just fall into place. I’ve also felt God’s peace, and I keep hearing the truth every Sunday in church. I’ve seen every sign that everything is going to be ok. It has been overwhelming how much reassurance God has given us, but I have just not been able to relax and trust in it.

I was talking to my daughter, Amanda the other night over text. She said something that has been haunting me. In referring to the sell of our house and buying the new place, she said, “That will be the beginning of our lives…” I feel like I’ve said that thousand times. It seems all my life I’ve been saying, “Once this is done” or “right after that, we can start our lives,” or “then, I’ll rest,” or “then, we’ll have fun…” What the heck? Life is now. Life is short. We need to live each day now and not “then.”

Something has happened to me today! My heart has changed! I remember hearing a missionary speak about his own experiences as he drew a visual picture of faith. He described trust as standing on a vast cliff with zero visibility, and jumping. That’s right he just jumped, arms back and face forward kind of jumping. I have been refusing to jump. I don’t know why, but I have. I’ve been afraid to. Today, as everything is falling apart, I really feel like jumping. (Don’t worry, I mean it in a good way.)

You know what, I DO believe good things happen. I believe I’ve only been given good things in my life. Everything bad has always turned into greatness. (Romans 8:28) We are a family of living proof that perspective is everything. We are strong and brave people. I know in my heart our house will sell. I don’t even care when, I just really believe it will. I believe we will have property to build on and make things grow.  However, we need to live today and in this moment. We are not given the rest of forever to plan and then do. We have to live right now.

During this whole process, I’ve been saying things like, “Once we sell, we’ll do this or that.” Emma and I have been planning on getting our nails done after we sell and get moved into an apartment. I haven’t  been crafting or creating, because I’ve been putting it off until everything works out. The truth is everything works out and nothing works out. Life just happens. In everything we have an opportunity to grow or not. I personally, want to be someone that grows. Good or bad there is something useful or good in it for us. I can’t even tell you how many times I look back in life and say to myself, “I’d never have this relationship or this part of my life if that event hadn’t happened.” I have something wonderful in my life every time I survive something bad.

In the middle of life it can really suck, but in hindsight we have a peace. Today I’m deciding to have peace in the middle of it all. I am giving up my dream and opening my heart to a different one, and I don’t even know what that is! I’m choosing to be open and accepting. I choose to jump. Arms back, head forward jumping into what God has for us. I choose to live in the moment. Spiritually, I’m opening my clenched fists and letting what I want trickle out like water. I don’t want or care anymore because what we need we have, and I choose to live in THIS moment.

UPDATE: We just received an email that the sellers accepted the offer on their property. We have lost the ranch. I’m on the cusp of tears and of being very excited to see what’s next. I’m so thankful my heart changed today in preparation of this news. God is faithful.