Making a New List

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Favorite Things, From the Heart, Uncategorized

It’s no secret I love blogs. Over the last five years I’ve followed many of them. I like the way they connect me to the “real” world. I also like the way our media can’t change what people are really saying, and what’s really happening around the world. Stories told by people living in it who don’t always have the views and agenda the media tells us everyone has.

When Google got rid of their reader I lost touch with some of the blogs I was following and Seth Godin was one of them. He is a fabulous writer and maintains a blog. His entries are short and direct, and now that I’ve found him again, I read every entry.

I was having a very crabby week last week. I was tapping into all the negative I could find. At one point on Thursday afternoon, I was sitting at our kitchen bar forcing my husband to listen to me go down my list of life’s mishaps and injustices against me. I’m not even joking or exaggerating. I actually remember thinking, this is so terrible right now, but I’m just going to cut lose and indulge my every angry violated piece of me. It was like it just needed to happen, I was driven by it. I actually felt better after I unleashed my victimization of life. I’m not sure my husband felt better, but I was lighter than air.

The next morning I was in bed reading my social media and emails when I came across this post by Seth.

Seth’s Blog: Make two lists.

“One list highlights the lucky breaks, the advantages, the good feedback, your trusted network. It talks about the accident of being born in the right time and the right place, your health, your freedom. It features your education, your connection to the marketplace and just about every nice thing someone has said about you in the last week or month.

The other list is the flipside. It contains the obstacles you’ve got to deal with regularly, the defects in your family situation, the criticisms your work has received lately. It is a list of people who have better luck than you and moments you’ve been shafted and misunderstood.

The thing is, at every juncture, during every crisis, in every moment of doubt, you have a choice. You will pull out one (virtual) list or the other. You’ll read and reread it, and rely on it to decide how to proceed.

Up to you.”

Heavy sigh…

It was as though he saw me the day before and responded to my actions. WOW. My heart was so convicted and I was ashamed. I have been through so much and I have done it poorly and I have done it very well. My disappointment was in knowing I’ve done so much better in so much worse, and I indulged so negatively in the midst of such a small obstacle.

I’ve said it before, life is hard. But it’s only life, and it’s full of second and third chances. So, without beating myself up too badly, and with a knowing laugh of realization, I move forward. I felt “seen”; I knew someone understood what it’s like to squirm, and they spoke the truth about controlling our own actions during that time . Thank you Seth, for the truth, and thank you God, for seeing me and sending me someone willing to put out the truth.

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Just a girl, on a journey. Thankful for love, thankful for friends and family, and thankful for forgiveness. Full of passion, conviction and hope.

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