Earlier this week I was really thinking about life and where mine is. I’ve gone through so many ups and downs over the last decade. Worrying about marriage and worrying about children, and then learning not to worry about either of those things. I’ve spent so much time striving and working and making schedules happen. Pushing all the time and feeling like I was living on a hamster wheel. I was spinning my wheels around and around and feeling like I was never getting anywhere.
Over the last year I’ve completely rearranged my life and reorganized it until I’ve finally been brought into a place of peace and happiness. I knew I was trying to simplify and cut out the things I didn’t want in my life but I guess I never realized it was a real possibility. So here I am. I looking around and I’ve noticed I’m exactly where I want to be. My older girls are happy, healthy, and doing well on their own. My little one told me she loves her life and is very happy. Our marriage is in the best place we’ve been in for over 8 years. Then I started thinking about the fact there is no stop or pause button I can push to keep things right where they are.
As much as I know to enjoy each day, I also know the one constant in life is change. I know this will all change and become something different at some point. Change is the promise that kept me going when things have been really bad. I’ve had days that I was thankful a moment passed because I knew it got me closer to healing with every second of it. Grief has come and I’ve grown stronger because of it. I learned the grace of God because of the circumstances I’ve been in. I seen healing and been thrown back to grief again. It’s been a process, a journey. So with each happy day that passes in this season I’m in, I’m extra appreciative because I remember the days that came before them. I know they may come again.
Today I choose to live in this moment, knowing with my whole heart that what I have is way more than I deserve or could ever earn. This season is a gift and I will drink it in and stop to enjoy all the bits and pieces of it. We were never promised happiness and sunshine and it’s not a slight thing when we receive it.